Earlier this week I read Lauren @ SheMovedtoTexas’ theme on her Power Blazer and felt an immediate connection with it. Wearing the right clothes is so important for me personally. If I look good, I feel so much better about myself. It helps bring out confidence, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s artificial or not.
Then, that night, an essay about wearing the right underwear popped up when I was Stumbling around the internet. I thought, again, How right! Power Panties for the win!
But two articles about the power of clothes in one day? I think the universe was trying to tell me something.
I don’t talk about my jobs much on here. Mostly because I’d rather talk about my horses but also partially because once I leave work at the end of the day, I don’t really want to think about it at home. I’ve had horrible jobs with a boss who was a bully and might possibly be mentally unstable. But I’ve also had wonderful jobs. In fact, my last position in Seattle was amazing and I don’t think I appreciated it as much as I should have. But not only did that job have great benefits, paid for my health insurance, gave me generous PTO, it also came with a manager who respected me, believed in me, and who stood up for me.
Now, I’m at a job that’s a little odd. I work for one company but I’m on loan to another company. The company that actually signs my paycheck has not been fun to deal with. From day one of the interviewing things have been sketchy and have not left me with a good taste in my mouth. Then I got the offer and found I’d be taking a 25% pay decrease, cut my PTO in half, and the health benefits are pretty terrible. Well, it was a job so I took it (and to be fair, the pay is better than comparable jobs in the area). Nothing got better. No one seems to know what is going on and I’m being pulled in ten different directions. Ironically, the company I’m contracted with has great benefits.
I think I could have handled all of that to be honest. The job is actually pretty easy so far and, for what I’m getting paid, is probably worth it. But then yesterday happened.
Yesterday was my first 1:1 with my team lead, who isn’t really my manager but kind of is. We had some house cleaning type things to deal with because of all the confusion of who I report to and how everything works. That was no big deal. What was a big deal was that she flat out told me she didn’t think I could do the job they hired me for.
Now, let me explain what this job is. All I have to do is answer phone calls, emails and, eventually, walk-ins from employees who have questions on their health benefits. Half of these calls I send to other people to deal with. This is not hard once you know the material. It’s quite easy. Sometimes I do have to work with an employee who is upset and angry but that doesn’t bother me. I understand how frustrating insurance can be. And I know they’re not mad with me personally, they’re mad at the system. I’m sure there will be days where it’s all too much and I’ll need to go off by myself and have a little cry but I would never just walk off the job like my lead insinuated.
The craziest part of the whole conversation, and her telling me I can’t handle it, is that she has not spent a single second training me. And has spent almost no time with me. So how can she really get an accurate take on whether or not I can handle the job?
Then she said to me, “You know I’m right.”
No, you are not right. And I told her that.
Three years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that to my mentally deranged boss. It was my first real job out of college and I was timid and unsure of myself. But I’m not taking that crap anymore. I was pretty thrown off at first when I realized where the conversation was headed but I was quickly able to scrounge up some artificial confidence to tide me over because I was dressed to the nines and I knew I looked good.
It was hard hearing that the people who work with don’t believe in you and I definitely self-medicated that night by going to the bookstore (Gus had the night off).
This morning, however, I walked into my office with all the confidence my click clack heels, sparkly statement necklace, and spectacular up do could conjure. I will not only “handle” this job, I’ll master this job. While I’m doing that, I’ll be looking for a new job with a manager who appreciates what I have to offer. And when I do, I will walk out of this office and not give a fuck what anyone thinks.