The Little Things

Finding my rhythm again has been a little bit of a challenge. At my last job, I had a great schedule that left me plenty of time to go to the barn during the afternoon and still be home in time to do other things. Sadly I found myself not really taking advantage of it due to being so mentally exhausted at the end of the work day. 


New job has sadly doubled my commute and I now get home a whole two hours later (may shift a bit when I am feeling a bit more comfortable with my job). But, even with that change in time, I get home and actually want to go to the barn. I was a little afraid I had lost that for good. 


Last night I stopped at home just long enough to grab Guinness and then hightailed it to see Gus. We had a wonderful ride and worked through some major stiffness to the right. And afterwards, I actually went through my whole routine of wiping down tack and a full groom… all things I’ve let fall to the wayside when I barely had the energy to make it our to the barn. 

I’m excited to start working towards my goals again. We’ve got big things coming up and I don’t want to miss them because I’m too mentally drained to get out to the barn. Although, I’m sure Gus didn’t mind the break! 

Out With the Old (Job) and In With the New (Job)

A few weeks ago I went to Tahoe and had the most amazing time. I came home from that trip feeling refreshed, if a bit sad, and determined to turn my life around. So what if thing a are a little crazy at work? If I just buckled down, I was determined to get it under control. 

I dutifully showed up to work that next morning, rolled up my sleeves, got my coffee, and opened my email only to find that while I was gone work had apparently decided to go to hell in a handbasket. I wish I was exaggerating but what little moral remaining in our department was completely shot. My get’er done attitude went out the window in less time then the greenest cowboy at his first bull ride. 

But little did my office know that I had an ace up my sleeve. While in Tahoe, I got a call from a recruiter about a job. Within a week of returning I had gone through the interview process and found myself with a job offer that was more pay and less work. I didn’t have to think hard before signing that! I gave my notice immediately and this week started my new job. While I’ve doubled my commute time (a total bummer but pretty much unavoidable here in Hotlanta) I am already much happier. 

It will take some time to completely recover from the stress and anxiety I was under at my last job but I am already seeing signs of improvement. So now it is on to the next big adventure!

Survivng

I feel like this year is slipping away from me, despite it only being the 7th. I just feel so worn down after work that the thought of driving in stupid Hotlanta trafic out to the barn is just depressing. And so I haven’t been going as much as I should.

I have gotten out a few times though!

Including last Sunday. Only, when I got out there I realized I had forgotten my locker key and so had no access to my boots or, worse, my helmet. Guess I wasn’t going to actually ride but I wasn’t just going to go home without working Gus either. So I found a lunge line and got to work.

I’m really happy to see that Gus is getting more confident with this jumping thing. I remember the fight we had the first time I asked him to pop over a little jump on the line. It was awful. I honestly thought we might never go to an event.

Thankfully I didn’t give up!

December Goals

Somehow I missed November goals… I could have sworn I had done them! Maybe just in my head. 🙂

GusJumping_1

October Goals

Gus’ Goals:
1. Work on getting canter departs quiet – These are SO much better! If he’s worked up they can still be excited, however, 9 times out of 10 they are nice and relaxed. Especially to the right. 
2. One trail a week –
Close enough. I always hack after a ride. 
3. Work on rhythm and suppleness in all aspects of our riding –
Couldn’t do a lot of this while we didn’t have shoes on but now I feel like we are making progress. 
4. Do more poles and start grid and gymnastic exercises –
SUCCESS!
5. Lunge on a hill to build up stifle muscles – 
Didn’t get to this…

My Goals:
1. Get through first month of new job – Let’s not discuss the job. I think that’s better for everyone. 
2. Budget better – We were good until Black Friday and Cyber Monday came along. Luckily all Christmas gifts are purchased so I should be good through the end of the year. 
3. Work on being more quiet with my leg and more forgiving with my elbows, maybe lower my stirrups one more hole for flat work – I did lower the stirrups. I need to build up some strength in my legs so they stop swinging at the trot.

GusJumping_6

December Goals

Gus’ Goals:
1. Work on stretching his neck long and low
2. One trail a week 

3. Work on getting quiet transitions up and down

4. Do more poles and gymnastic works

5. Go off property

My Goals:
1. Continue applying for jobs and finding a better situation for myself

The Power of Clothes

Earlier this week I read Lauren @ SheMovedtoTexas’ theme on her Power Blazer and felt an immediate connection with it. Wearing the right clothes is so important for me personally. If I look good, I feel so much better about myself. It helps bring out confidence, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s artificial or not.

Then, that night, an essay about wearing the right underwear popped up when I was Stumbling around the internet. I thought, again, How right! Power Panties for the win!

But two articles about the power of clothes in one day? I think the universe was trying to tell me something.
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I don’t talk about my jobs much on here. Mostly because I’d rather talk about my horses but also partially because once I leave work at the end of the day, I don’t really want to think about it at home. I’ve had horrible jobs with a boss who was a bully and might possibly be mentally unstable. But I’ve also had wonderful jobs. In fact, my last position in Seattle was amazing and I don’t think I appreciated it as much as I should have. But not only did that job have great benefits, paid for my health insurance, gave me generous PTO, it also came with a manager who respected me, believed in me, and who stood up for me.

Now, I’m at a job that’s a little odd. I work for one company but I’m on loan to another company. The company that actually signs my paycheck has not been fun to deal with. From day one of the interviewing things have been sketchy and have not left me with a good taste in my mouth. Then I got the offer and found I’d be taking a 25% pay decrease, cut my PTO in half, and the health benefits are pretty terrible. Well, it was a job so I took it (and to be fair, the pay is better than comparable jobs in the area). Nothing got better. No one seems to know what is going on and I’m being pulled in ten different directions. Ironically, the company I’m contracted with has great benefits.

I think I could have handled all of that to be honest. The job is actually pretty easy so far and, for what I’m getting paid, is probably worth it. But then yesterday happened.

Yesterday was my first 1:1 with my team lead, who isn’t really my manager but kind of is. We had some house cleaning type things to deal with because of all the confusion of who I report to and how everything works. That was no big deal. What was a big deal was that she flat out told me she didn’t think I could do the job they hired me for.

Wow.

Now, let me explain what this job is. All I have to do is answer phone calls, emails and, eventually, walk-ins from employees who have questions on their health benefits. Half of these calls I send to other people to deal with. This is not hard once you know the material. It’s quite easy. Sometimes I do have to work with an employee who is upset and angry but that doesn’t bother me. I understand how frustrating insurance can be. And I know they’re not mad with me personally, they’re mad at the system. I’m sure there will be days where it’s all too much and I’ll need to go off by myself and have a little cry but I would never just walk off the job like my lead insinuated.

The craziest part of the whole conversation, and her telling me I can’t handle it, is that she has not spent a single second training me. And has spent almost no time with me. So how can she really get an accurate take on whether or not I can handle the job?

Then she said to me, “You know I’m right.”

What.The.Fuck.

No, you are not right. And I told her that.

Three years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that to my mentally deranged boss. It was my first real job out of college and I was timid and unsure of myself. But I’m not taking that crap anymore. I was pretty thrown off at first when I realized where the conversation was headed but I was quickly able to scrounge up some artificial confidence to tide me over because I was dressed to the nines and I knew I looked good.

It was hard hearing that the people who work with don’t believe in you and I definitely self-medicated that night by going to the bookstore (Gus had the night off).
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This morning, however, I walked into my office with all the confidence my click clack heels, sparkly statement necklace, and spectacular up do could conjure. I will not only “handle” this job, I’ll master this job. While I’m doing that, I’ll be looking for a new job with a manager who appreciates what I have to offer. And when I do, I will walk out of this office and not give a fuck what anyone thinks.