About a month ago, I lost my job.
The first night I was pretty unconsolable; I drank an entire bottle of wine right from the bottle. Not one of my finest moments (though at least I didn’t have the same type of break down that results from drinking 3/5ths of a bottle of Jack). The next morning I surprisingly woke up without a hangover and a smile on my face. Why? Because I HATED that job. My boss was an egotistical jerk and I hated being made to fly all over the west coast at a moments notice (literally! Once, I came into work that morning to find my boss having a panic attack and ten minutes later I was back at home packing my bags and on a flight to Phoenix only two hours later). The only good things about it were the paycheck and the two mile commute. So honestly, I was glad to be done with that job.
Only now I had a problem: a horse, a new truck, a trailer and no pay check. But I did – and still do! – have a fabulous guy by my side. So while I was still able to move Dandy to a new stable and I don’t have to worry at the moment about the truck or trailer payment, I’m not really out of the fire. Because I do worry. A. Lot. If it were an olympic sport, I’d win the gold medal. I touched on it briefly in my post about Sheena but I particularly worry about money and as anyone reading this blog knows, horses cost a lot of money.
At this point, these musings could go a bunch of different directions. I could tell you all about what a wonderful guy I have who is supporting me in every definition of the word and who I love more than life itself. I could tell you about how I’m worried about having to put my student loans into deferment and how I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel to pay for the bills I can’t put into deferment. I could talk about how hard it is to find a job in the middle of the desert. Instead, since this is a blog about Dandy, I want to talk about how all of this is affecting us.
The truth is, everything I listed above is making me just a little depressed and it’s hard to keep that from transferring to working with Dandy. I’ve also been sick this entire week and in San Francisco for a few days but both of those events are other stories.
For example, I want to take more lessons with Kristen. Not only is she a great trainer and I respond well to her style, she understands Dandy. I’ve been working on everything she helped us with a couple of weeks ago and I think we’re getting better. Our walk-canter transitions definitely have! That is one thing I’m actually pleased with. But everything else, I’m worried that I’m not doing it right, that I’m making it worse for Dandy and I. And I can’t take more lessons because we don’t have the money.
I know I don’t need lessons to improve, I know there’s lots of stuff I can do on my own. I know I can go hacking and get his confidence up out in the fields. I know I can further our ground work in the round pen. But I’m honestly just sad and that makes me not want to go out to the barn at all.
Tomorrow there is a little local/schooling show at the barn. I was planning on riding Dandy in the crossrail hunters and the hunter hack class (18″ crossrail) but with being sick this week and Dandy having it off, I don’t want to put us in a bad situation. Instead, Eric and I will go out and school Dandy. I’m hoping that the added commotion from it being a show will be balanced out by it being at his own barn.
And we’ll get back to the fun, light hearted, posts soon. I’ve got several things to catch up on.